PANDANGGO SA ILALIM NG TULAY NG QUIAPO

ang sakim na bading ay pinakain ko sa pating


crifobebo ade bethe fig
blackribbon
bembrown
the following poem was inspired by the New York Journal front page cartoon and its corresponding caption on May 5, 1902.


Criminals For Being Born A Decade Before The Fight

bury now their hapless cries, the vermin have no rights
plant your heels upon their faces, devilish boys of macabre
let the eagle soar above the olive-wielding lowly dove
they're criminals for being born a decade before the fight

tempering the steel with heart is folly beyond compare
although the sun shines on their land, evil is everywhere
it matters not how young they are or how they seem contrite
them criminals for being born a decade before the fight

feelings of guilt and sweet remorse we're naturally endowed
we are never by design a yoke delighted crowd
but we all stand by the golden rule and we enforce it like a tool
on criminals for being born a decade before the fight

come now thankless citizens, welcome back your sons
they left as boys, return as men who cannot be undone
the glory only for themselves, nobody else stood to the test
of the criminals for being born a decade before the fight

and now more than a century has passed since it was done
the guns lay silently decayed, spectators, all but none
the nations who once grappled now are intertwined and calm
and memories of hellish days are quietly expunged

so bury now, the sins of past, the swift-cut children's lives
let no war recollection come out from the other side
and let the hell-hole's name resound for horrors done to americans
by criminals for being born a decade before the fight


Vox Populi Vox Dei
blackribbon
bembrown
binalot ng katahimikan ang piging. nakasimangot ang pinuno habang minamatiyagan ng bawat mata ang kanyang ikikilos, handang sabayan ang kanyang biglaang halakhak o malupit na pagwawala. nanlilisik ang kanyang mga matang sinasalamin ang nagbabagang dap-ay sa gitna ng naudlot na kasiyahan.

marahang iginilid ang matandang pantas ng pag-awit. ang matanda ang nagsilbing tanging kultura ng kanilang lipi sa pagpasa-lakas ng tatlong pinuno. ngunit ang pinuno ngayon ang kaisa-isang dapat nilang lahat katakutan. lipas na ang mga iba at panahon na niya.

kahit ilang ninuno pa niya ang napasaya ng matanda, ang kagustuhan niya pa rin ang pinakamahalaga. kahit ang matanda rin na iyon ang nagpatulog sa kanya sa duyan noong siya ay hamak na sanggol pa lamang. kahit ito rin ang matandang inawitan siya noong siya'y nalulungkot dahil hindi siya pinapansin ng kanyang mga magulang. kahit ito ang matandang nagturo sa kanya ng himig na pumukaw sa puso ng dalagang naging ina ng kanyang tanging anak na magiging pinuno rin balang-araw.

wala lahat yun.
siya ang batas.

iginilid ang matanda.
iniluhod.
kinitil ang buhay.
itinusok ang sinaunang ulo sa sibat.
itinapon sa bangin ang patpating katawan.

ang lahat ay natahimik. nagmamataan, napapatitig sa kanilang tinatapakan o napapapikit sa pagpigil ng luha. nananahimik lamang ang mga tao kapag may pagkakamali o may kahihiyang naganap. sabay itong nagawa ng pinuno at hindi niya ito pinagsisisihan.

siya ang batas.

lumingon ang pinuno sa gilid at pumalakpak. mula sa kasuluk-sulukan ay itinulak ang isang binata sa gitna. mukha itong nawawala at hindi alam ang gagawin. minata siya ng pinunong nakaangat ang isang makapal na kilay. tumungo na tila mayroong pagkakaintindihang silang dalawa lamang ng binata ang nakakaalam.

nagsimula ang binata.
lumiyad.
idiniin sa lupa ang dalawang palad.
inangat ang isang paa.
isinipa ang kabila.
inilapag nang sabay malapit sa kanyang mga kamay.
inulit.
binilisan.
ngumiti ang mga tao.
may mga pumalakpak.
nagmistulang gulong ang binata sa bilis ng pagkilos.
naghiyawan ang madla.

ngumisi ang pinuno.
limot na ang kalungkutan.

poetic nothings part 2
blackribbon
bembrown
so there, a poem as vague as it was weird, because everything about that first one came to me in a dream. a place where mind abandons reason and makes up for our conscious incapacities. this next one on the other hand, is the produce of a mind stubbornly perched on the permanent gallows of the sentient world. stubbornly perched but hopelessly shaken. extremely aware yet downright insane.

this is

DRIPPAGE

my toilet's not right
and try as i might
i can't stop all the dripping it does

and though water is nice
to quench thirst, i surmise
all this pitter and patter must stop

my head's achingly
throbbing incessantly
to the droplets of water on ground

pushing me to the edge
of my sanity's ledge
hearkening me back to you

to the days when i bothered
with us more than me
how i held you and loved you back then

but somehow you just
had to break my trust
and pass up on what could have been

i shook with rage then
as i still do now
remembering hurt vividly

so i was betrayed
as you gaily strayed
into someone else's embrace

my eyes red as wine
my brows intertwined
i rushed to the scene of your crime

so demon possessed
so much anger repressed
what i did far exceeded my time

the deed consummated
the joy since had faded
i ran my hands over your lines

it seemed you were pleading
your lips a bit smirking
as you breathed in stuttering

so i held you close
and i sang a love song
the one you liked hearing before

til no more breaths came
and coldness seeped in
i gazed in your eyes lovingly

and silence did dwell
almost everywhere
or so it seemed only to me

except for a spot
where you left your flip-flops
now where a red puddle exists

the crimson drops fell
so thick and precise
from the tips of your manicured nails

reverberating then
in the stillness of that room
as water does now
in the darkness of this gloom
Tags: ,

poetic nothings part 1
blackribbon
bembrown
lacking creativity for my usual songwriting endeavors, i tried my hand at poetry again, in what i would like to dub as a comeback of sorts (even if i'm not a poet at all).

here's the first in (hopefully) a series of poems i wrote (or about to write) with themes, situations and concepts occurring mostly in my dreams. enjoy.

WHAT ONE NEEDS TO FIND TRUE LOVE

setting: wee hours of the morning in apartment B of 1379 San Marcelino Street, Ermita, Manila circa 2003

a cat not quite tall
and tricolor for sure
came into my inebriated view

and though it was a-drizzling
it still was looking dashing
its form so fine and eyes as deep blue hues

a melody was humming
repeatedly spelunking
into my ear canals like dejavu

though no words were they forming
it mesmerized my hearing
compelling me to go out of the blue

the feline then stood up
which frankly stirred me up
a miniature house upon its paw

i ran towards it then
the music slightly hemmed
into staccatos stating urgency

i zigged after i zagged
i moved like its my part
to catch this queer peculiarity

it walked the walls upright
and ceilings so polite
my lower jaw was falling off its hinge

and jumped into my arms
not minding any harm
or inconveniences i can bestow

it stared into my eyes
and flailed its precious paws
as if conjuring some hulabaloo

and slowly was revealed
the words i longed to hear
accompanying the haunting melody

"gusto kong umibig"
sung so strong and free
followed by a curious little plea

"pahiram naman, pahiram naman"
selfishly, as if a man
as the cat turned slowly into one

a little fellow
half past able
he can't even
reach the table
smiling, with a voice like mbira

so i smiled
right back at him
asking him
upon a whim
what he needs to borrow to find love

smile evolved into a grin
devilish it might have seemed
as he shrieked while he did pounce
"ANG PUSO MO!" he did pronounce

yeh~
blackribbon
bembrown
hap-pi nyu yir!!!!

at dahil valentine's na ang susunod na holiday ngayon, minarapat ko nang ilathala dito yung latest kong nagawang kanta. medyo romantic kasi eh. may kwento pa ng song origins, haha. wanna read? eto...

isang mabusilak na araw in the not so distant past, magkausap kami sa phone ni ryle. kamustahan, sweet nothings and the like. eh minu-minuto pa naman kami magkamustahan kasi makulit kami tsaka sweet sa isa't isa tsaka wala na lang talaga masabi sa totoo lang, pero gusto pa rin kausapin ang isa't isa. XD

bem: so... kamusta naman?
ryle: eto, making paper planes to burn time. God i wish blah blah...(may mga sinabi pa siya pero di ko na naintindihan dahil nagkaeureka moment na ako.)
bem: wow, natural songwriter ka ha...
ryle: how come?
bem: yung last mong sinabi, pang-kanta, ang ganda.
ryle: what part?
bem: yung inde "blah blah blah" (jowk!) ..yung something about paper planes to burn time... i feel a song coming on, dugtungan ko, pwede?
ryle: ikaw bahala, hahaha. ano naman kaya maidudugtong mo dun?
bem: meron yan. (sabay wink na di naman kita ng kausap)
ryle: *condescending laughter* up to you love. sana tapos mo na pagdating ko diyan.
bem: nakow, sure yan. gagawin kong tungkol sayo. *smile*
ryle: ok, im gonna work na, para andiyan nga ako agad. later love.
bem: later star.

so yun, after hanging up, deretso ako sa lenovo notebook niya para itype yung kanta kong dedicated sa kanya, hehehe. ganon pag mahal mo, mabilis. walang dalawang isip. and im gushing kaya tama na, hahaha. eto na yung finished product.

GRATTITUDE

i'm folding paper planes to burn time
stumbling over enzymes
making sure i've taken myself out for the day

she's thinking in absolutes and dogmas
irreversible canons
one can't seem to break through all those ruses

but i believe in what she stands for
though i can't quite think of a metaphor
fit for all the women she can be
it just feels good it was me she chose to be with

i'm counting tentatives in cosines
innocently asinine
can't keep up with the waves she's sending my way

i'm gnashing cogs of my cognition
holding on to reasons
i myself can't start to comprehend so

i'll just lay my head on her bosom
let her brave these autumns
people love to throw in a couple's way
and thank my lucky stars she's here to stay


ayun, keep on keeping on, ika nga nila. =)

bongga~
blackribbon
bembrown
so yeah, may mga naisulat akong mga bagong kanta. medyo iba yung tema from my old songs, iba na kasi pananaw ko ngayon eh. which is good, kasi di dapat nagiging constant yung mga ganong tipo ng bagay eh. it should always be progressing and moving on to the next phase, diba? so yun, i wrote some songs, yung tatlo dun ay nasa first solo EP of sorts ko titled "Crude Demo Quality" aka CD Quality, and i had some positive feedbacks, yeah. that went kinda well. kaya eto, nagbabalak na naman ako ng isang malaking project. gusto ko gumawa ng bagong banda. and this time, ako na ang magiging bokalista. for real. dati puro attempts lang na tinigil ko halfway through the planning phase eh, pero ngayon tuloy na 'to. kaya binubuo ko na asap eh. bago mawala yung urgency.

wala pang band name, kasi para sakin, yun dapat yung huling pagiisipan tsaka dapat group effort na yun ng lahat members eh. they're gonna be in the band for a long time rin naman kaya dapat lang na may say sila dun. tsaka cmon. its just a name. maraming mas pressing matters kesa diyan like chemistry, song mastery, genre at pag-complement ng bawat instrument sa rest of the band to create the desired sound. so tsaka na yun. sino members? i won't tire myself again building bridges and planting relationship seeds with strangers para sa bandang 'to. lalo na kung andiyan naman si job tsaka si jinx who are both ready and willing to be my first members diba? job plays a mean bassline most of the time, with or without the help of some substances (haha, just had to include that.) and jinx is the most dedicated and hardworking musician i've ever had the pleasure of encountering. panalo pareho, it's hard to go wrong with these people in your band. swerte ko rin no? haha. ok lang, i'll make sure na swerte din naman sila sakin eh.

and this is where our major setback introduces itself. SINO ANG DRUMMER KO? takte. naturally, i never had to deal with this problem before because as you may know, and pardon me for stating the obvious ha... I MYSELF AM A DRUMMER kasi eh. kaya sakit ng ulo ko nung narealize ko yan. hahaha. sure, marami akong kaibigang drummer, birds of the same feather flock together ika nga, pero drummer ako na may banda eh. so malamang, lahat ng kaibigan kong drummers, may banda na rin. and yeah, may mga kaibigan din akong drummers na bakante. sure. andami kong kaibigan eh. pero being a drummer myself, i realized na an OK drummer won't cut it. dapat kung di ko singgaling, mas magaling sakin. yuuuun ang problema. ANG GALING KO KASI EH, hahaha. yung mga kaibigan kong drummer na bakante, may dahilan kung bakit bakante sila eh, ipyanowataymin, hahaha. pass tayo dun men. =)

so anyway, after much brain-racking on who's available right now and remembering how those available ones play, nai-narrow down ko naman sa ilan lang na mga indibidwal. first in my list is honeyboy. ako at siya ay dalawa sa tatlong estudyante lamang ng ust conservatory na percussions agad ang major mula nung pumasok pa lang. yng isa pa saming tatlo, si emil, drummer ng letter day story na sikat na ngayon. noong magkakasama kami, si honeyboy yung pinakamahusay pumalo samin. wala lang, hahaha.

another drummer in mind is lester from astral project. sa skills, he's just ok, unlike honeyboy na taas ang kamay ko sa bilib. pero lester's got youth on his side. ang laki ng potential niya and ang sarap isipin na siya yung drummer ko sa panahon na prime talaga niya. pero tulad ng sabi ko, drummer siya ng astral project. commitment issues yun. malalaman natin pag natanong ko na siya, hehe.

another choice is miko, one of bjone's classmates from elementary and currently playing with job and 2 ex-bandmates of mine in STD. but like lester, he's also committed already. but he's also up there between lester and honeyboy when it comes down to beating the drums.

and.... that's about it. only three drummers in my list, and only having lester's number on my phonebook. this is going to be interesting, hahaha.

wish me luck and i'll post developments if there'll be any. good day to all. ^_^

ang tuta
blackribbon
bembrown
tulad ng alam na ng nakararami sa mga kakilala ko, nagkaroon dito sa bahay ng bagong dagdag sa pamilya namin. isang female black labrador retriever pup. ako ang umako ng resposibilidad na alagaan siya at palakihin ng maayos. pinangalanan namin siyang "Eva".

nagulat ako. di ko akalaing ganito pala kagulo ang tutang labrador. parang bawat malilingat ako, may gagawin siyang di kaaya-aya. hilig pa naman niya yung mga bagay na talagang madumi tulad ng takip ng drain sa banyo, mga iba't ibang brush na malay ko kung saan niya nakukuha at kung anu-ano pa. tapos ang hilig pang ngumatngat ng kahoy. eh napakaraming kahoy dito samin eh. ayun, ubos na yung mga varnished o painted plywood surfaces ng mga pinto't mga cabinet namin. ampangit tingnan. pero ganon eh.

pero isa pa lang sa sangkaterbang problema ko sa kanya yang pagnguya-nguya niyang yan. yung pinaka-kinaaasaran kong ugali niya ay yung paghiga sa ihi. mahilig kasi sa tubig ang labrador. water dogs talaga sila. kaya ayun, bawat may makitang ihi na 'di napunasan, hihigaan agad. kaya pumapangit yung exposed belly niya eh. sinabihan na ako ng vet tungkol dun, pero ang hirap kontrolin. sobra.

tapos yung isang problema pa, water related din. parang bumaha lagi sa kusina namin men. nilalaro kasi ni Eva yung lahat ng water bowls na nakikita niya. as in parang naglalaro ng dampa sa tubig gamit yung isa o pareho niyang front paws. ang cute tingnan, pero ang hassle linisin pagtapos. kasi at any given time, 3 water bowls yung nakalapag sa kusina namin eh. halos puno pa ng tubig lagi. parati kong sinasabihan yung mga katulong namin, pero medyo mabagal silang pumick-up at mag-adapt eh. kaya ayun, punas ako nang punas. hay.

pero at the end of it all, ok pa rin. pinili ko 'to eh. kahit di na ako nakakatulog, nakakalabas ng bahay o nakakaligo nang matiwasay ngayon dahil lagi kong iniisip kung ano naman na kayang kabalastugan yung ginagawa ni Eva habang may inaasikaso ako, steady freddie pa rin.

bekets say mo?

ang saya kaya mag-alaga ng aso. andaming blessings na later on mo lang marerealize na pinagkaloob sayo. at narealize ko na yan within just a few days shy of 3 weeks of us being together ah... ano pa kaya matututunan ko sa loob ng isang taon diba? ^_^

posed an ent tree
blackribbon
bembrown
can't think of anything for a title, so there.

i've been doing a lot of things lately, all of them unproductive by some standard but altered me in some way or another that i don't feel regret or think of it as wasted time. as i always do. i've taken that lennon quote to heart and am living it out even if this miserable existence calls for something different or something less lofty, more practical and totally bereft of individuality.

countless friends, relatives and acquaintances have gone into the unknown territory of having a career. a real one, not like this situation i have chosen and am currently frolicking in. deadlines, taxes, monthly incomes, presentations, projects, dress codes, grooming, work politics, self image, co-workers, partners, teams, departments and a lot of other things i've been trained to deal with in school but never really had the chance of encountering in real life. and it's not like i'd gleefully grab an opportunity like that when it presents itself. i was happy to forget all those shallow trivialities and endless rewards they have in store for those who conform to their ideals in lots of different but all extremely influential and basically identically principled "learning institutions" in this epicenter of chaos called metro manila. and i'm not all too sold on the idea of going back to that state i so vehemently denounced.

"magtrabaho ka na, ang tanda mo na o.."
"ang swerte mo nga eh, petiks ka lang.."
"aysus, huwag mo na kausapin yan sa ganyan, di niya tayo naiintindihan.."
"ayusin mo nga buhay mo.."
"di ka ba nahihiya? ako di ko kaya yan.."


and so on. word after heartless, incapacitating word they try to break me. sentence after cruelly cold sentence they try to put some of what they call sense in me. is it that bad to be different from them? from what i went and still am going through with them, yes. absolutely. "extremely talented and lucky people are the exception, and you definitely are NOT one of them." is their battlecry. their motto. the words they live by. you have to prove your worth before they stop saying it or you just die trying. theirs is the world of undeniable results, of the steady stream of diploma wielders who stop living to work and when asked all at the same time will say in chorus that they work to live. they are practical, effortlessly efficient, robustly productive and superior on all fronts (once again, in their standards) if compared to weak, insignificant and senseless me.

i am one of what they would associate with the word "lost". i have no degree, no one or two or three year working experience, no smart clothes with sharp ties, no company i can put on the company box on facebook, no money and no definite or feasible future ahead of me. i live for the moment and am at the mercy of my loved ones for daily sustenance. i am our home's resident hermit, forever giving praises, gratitude, sound advice and decisions, moral and emotional support and forever must take personal attacks, disappointments, verbal cruelty, indifference, mind games and heartbreaks humbly and in stride.

yes, i might be lucky living off of others' income. yes, i am forever grateful for every blessing, every kindness and every affection thrown my way. yes, you probably have it harder with work and stress and those other pressing matters and yes, i am sheltered.

but i will never ever say that you as a person are better than me. that you know more than me. that you are smarter and just submit to whatever you think is for the good of all. NO.

you are you. i won't take that away from you. as much as you can't and won't take away me from me. you have your strengths and i have mine. i have several weaknesses and will admit it all too gladly even if you don't. and that's where WE as a single word or thought ends.

i've fallen so far down than most of you that nothing but life-threatening instances can faze me. i have given up so much that there's no more sense in breaking down. i've lived simpler and simpler with each disappointment that there's nothing else that could go wrong. nothing to lose and a mountain to gain to be rubbing elbows again with the likes of you. but you know what? somewhere along the way i realized something most of you never will. why should i start going up your mountain in your perfect world and try to be one of you again when i can stubbornly be myself and all the things you won't ever be and be happy til i die?

here, being me and nothing but. i care about what you say, but to the extent of hurting and doubting myself because i don't pass YOUR standards? hell no. yeah, talk all you want, i don't care. call me anything, i'll just smile back. i'm gonna be me and that's all there is to it. let God or Allah or Whoever He/She/It Is decide who'll pass. i can take that. easily.

CAN YOU?

HOW WE DEAL WITH THE REAL

you can't expect the crowd to understand
and empathize and lend a helping hand
no matter how you feel the closeness is
your life is yours alone to live and deal with

you laugh and party hard and feel damn good
you flee monotony and shun the rules
you feel unique and so misunderstood
but we're together in universal blues

they have the biggest cut of the pie of life
they had it all the time, held beyond your grasp
they won't give the time of day to thoughts of caving in
the power of the people is the lie they boxed us in

you find the person who you fancy most
and share your demons and your skeletons
and feel that finally the time is right
to lose yourselves in each other and be alright

but no, it won't just go away quite that easily
you have inherited a lifetime of misery
you will feel emptiness the way it should be felt
happiness and peace of mind are just dreams you best forget

tragedy through a camera's lens
blackribbon
bembrown
a lot has been said about the latest tragedy that shocked the whole world and pushed us filipinos closer to the brink of inevitable self-destruction. some might be glad, others apathetic and majority of those who know condemn this terrible crime. i for one, won't talk about my opinions about it. they say a picture paints a thousand words so i'll leave the word-painting part to your imagination.













credit goes to the photographers who captured these very graphic images so we all shall forever be haunted by such gruesome acts and not let it happen again.

"Remember, remember the 23rd of November..."

May God have mercy on us.

when i say "jump!" you say "how high?"
blackribbon
bembrown
SHEEPLE

happy sheep people, we wouldn't be able to see through that thick assortment of tricks
they have up the sleeves of their fancy barongs and we go headstrong feeling calm in the storm
we titter, we totter, we fall and get splattered on pavements we made to make our walks easier
we passionately curse the villain to nurse our led astray egos and hurt principles
we drink and we laugh, debate which is what and go on to spend our lives in the bath
we dirty the clean, we humble the mean, we mock the insane and brush off the pained
tragedies shrugged off as everyday news and somebody's always for someone else's use
we shake our heads sadly, give up all too gladly and wonder why gloom fills our mansions and shanties

they say it's not too late yet and we can turn this around
if we change ourselves, our redemption is found
i say fuck what they say, we're more hopeless than we sound
and i won't change an inch if i'll be the only one

i'll still see you as fools, as you do to me too
i'll still be the damn cancer, the part you can't use
the happy sheep people, them you can always go to
the ones with no questions, the ones with no clue

the happy sheep people, always asking, "how high?"
for shepherds made 'em jump once, just for laughs, not the sky

?

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