bembrown

hap-pi nyu yir!!!!

at dahil valentine's na ang susunod na holiday ngayon, minarapat ko nang ilathala dito yung latest kong nagawang kanta. medyo romantic kasi eh. may kwento pa ng song origins, haha. wanna read? eto...

isang mabusilak na araw in the not so distant past, magkausap kami sa phone ni ryle. kamustahan, sweet nothings and the like. eh minu-minuto pa naman kami magkamustahan kasi makulit kami tsaka sweet sa isa't isa tsaka wala na lang talaga masabi sa totoo lang, pero gusto pa rin kausapin ang isa't isa. XD

bem: so... kamusta naman?
ryle: eto, making paper planes to burn time. God i wish blah blah...(may mga sinabi pa siya pero di ko na naintindihan dahil nagkaeureka moment na ako.)
bem: wow, natural songwriter ka ha...
ryle: how come?
bem: yung last mong sinabi, pang-kanta, ang ganda.
ryle: what part?
bem: yung inde "blah blah blah" (jowk!) ..yung something about paper planes to burn time... i feel a song coming on, dugtungan ko, pwede?
ryle: ikaw bahala, hahaha. ano naman kaya maidudugtong mo dun?
bem: meron yan. (sabay wink na di naman kita ng kausap)
ryle: *condescending laughter* up to you love. sana tapos mo na pagdating ko diyan.
bem: nakow, sure yan. gagawin kong tungkol sayo. *smile*
ryle: ok, im gonna work na, para andiyan nga ako agad. later love.
bem: later star.

so yun, after hanging up, deretso ako sa lenovo notebook niya para itype yung kanta kong dedicated sa kanya, hehehe. ganon pag mahal mo, mabilis. walang dalawang isip. and im gushing kaya tama na, hahaha. eto na yung finished product.

GRATTITUDE

i'm folding paper planes to burn time
stumbling over enzymes
making sure i've taken myself out for the day

she's thinking in absolutes and dogmas
irreversible canons
one can't seem to break through all those ruses

but i believe in what she stands for
though i can't quite think of a metaphor
fit for all the women she can be
it just feels good it was me she chose to be with

i'm counting tentatives in cosines
innocently asinine
can't keep up with the waves she's sending my way

i'm gnashing cogs of my cognition
holding on to reasons
i myself can't start to comprehend so

i'll just lay my head on her bosom
let her brave these autumns
people love to throw in a couple's way
and thank my lucky stars she's here to stay

ayun, keep on keeping on, ika nga nila. =)

so yeah, may mga naisulat akong mga bagong kanta. medyo iba yung tema from my old songs, iba na kasi pananaw ko ngayon eh. which is good, kasi di dapat nagiging constant yung mga ganong tipo ng bagay eh. it should always be progressing and moving on to the next phase, diba? so yun, i wrote some songs, yung tatlo dun ay nasa first solo EP of sorts ko titled "Crude Demo Quality" aka CD Quality, and i had some positive feedbacks, yeah. that went kinda well. kaya eto, nagbabalak na naman ako ng isang malaking project. gusto ko gumawa ng bagong banda. and this time, ako na ang magiging bokalista. for real. dati puro attempts lang na tinigil ko halfway through the planning phase eh, pero ngayon tuloy na 'to. kaya binubuo ko na asap eh. bago mawala yung urgency.

wala pang band name, kasi para sakin, yun dapat yung huling pagiisipan tsaka dapat group effort na yun ng lahat members eh. they're gonna be in the band for a long time rin naman kaya dapat lang na may say sila dun. tsaka cmon. its just a name. maraming mas pressing matters kesa diyan like chemistry, song mastery, genre at pag-complement ng bawat instrument sa rest of the band to create the desired sound. so tsaka na yun. sino members? i won't tire myself again building bridges and planting relationship seeds with strangers para sa bandang 'to. lalo na kung andiyan naman si job tsaka si jinx who are both ready and willing to be my first members diba? job plays a mean bassline most of the time, with or without the help of some substances (haha, just had to include that.) and jinx is the most dedicated and hardworking musician i've ever had the pleasure of encountering. panalo pareho, it's hard to go wrong with these people in your band. swerte ko rin no? haha. ok lang, i'll make sure na swerte din naman sila sakin eh.

and this is where our major setback introduces itself. SINO ANG DRUMMER KO? takte. naturally, i never had to deal with this problem before because as you may know, and pardon me for stating the obvious ha... I MYSELF AM A DRUMMER kasi eh. kaya sakit ng ulo ko nung narealize ko yan. hahaha. sure, marami akong kaibigang drummer, birds of the same feather flock together ika nga, pero drummer ako na may banda eh. so malamang, lahat ng kaibigan kong drummers, may banda na rin. and yeah, may mga kaibigan din akong drummers na bakante. sure. andami kong kaibigan eh. pero being a drummer myself, i realized na an OK drummer won't cut it. dapat kung di ko singgaling, mas magaling sakin. yuuuun ang problema. ANG GALING KO KASI EH, hahaha. yung mga kaibigan kong drummer na bakante, may dahilan kung bakit bakante sila eh, ipyanowataymin, hahaha. pass tayo dun men. =)

so anyway, after much brain-racking on who's available right now and remembering how those available ones play, nai-narrow down ko naman sa ilan lang na mga indibidwal. first in my list is honeyboy. ako at siya ay dalawa sa tatlong estudyante lamang ng ust conservatory na percussions agad ang major mula nung pumasok pa lang. yng isa pa saming tatlo, si emil, drummer ng letter day story na sikat na ngayon. noong magkakasama kami, si honeyboy yung pinakamahusay pumalo samin. wala lang, hahaha.

another drummer in mind is lester from astral project. sa skills, he's just ok, unlike honeyboy na taas ang kamay ko sa bilib. pero lester's got youth on his side. ang laki ng potential niya and ang sarap isipin na siya yung drummer ko sa panahon na prime talaga niya. pero tulad ng sabi ko, drummer siya ng astral project. commitment issues yun. malalaman natin pag natanong ko na siya, hehe.

another choice is miko, one of bjone's classmates from elementary and currently playing with job and 2 ex-bandmates of mine in STD. but like lester, he's also committed already. but he's also up there between lester and honeyboy when it comes down to beating the drums.

and.... that's about it. only three drummers in my list, and only having lester's number on my phonebook. this is going to be interesting, hahaha.

wish me luck and i'll post developments if there'll be any. good day to all. ^_^

tulad ng alam na ng nakararami sa mga kakilala ko, nagkaroon dito sa bahay ng bagong dagdag sa pamilya namin. isang female black labrador retriever pup. ako ang umako ng resposibilidad na alagaan siya at palakihin ng maayos. pinangalanan namin siyang "Eva".

nagulat ako. di ko akalaing ganito pala kagulo ang tutang labrador. parang bawat malilingat ako, may gagawin siyang di kaaya-aya. hilig pa naman niya yung mga bagay na talagang madumi tulad ng takip ng drain sa banyo, mga iba't ibang brush na malay ko kung saan niya nakukuha at kung anu-ano pa. tapos ang hilig pang ngumatngat ng kahoy. eh napakaraming kahoy dito samin eh. ayun, ubos na yung mga varnished o painted plywood surfaces ng mga pinto't mga cabinet namin. ampangit tingnan. pero ganon eh.

pero isa pa lang sa sangkaterbang problema ko sa kanya yang pagnguya-nguya niyang yan. yung pinaka-kinaaasaran kong ugali niya ay yung paghiga sa ihi. mahilig kasi sa tubig ang labrador. water dogs talaga sila. kaya ayun, bawat may makitang ihi na 'di napunasan, hihigaan agad. kaya pumapangit yung exposed belly niya eh. sinabihan na ako ng vet tungkol dun, pero ang hirap kontrolin. sobra.

tapos yung isang problema pa, water related din. parang bumaha lagi sa kusina namin men. nilalaro kasi ni Eva yung lahat ng water bowls na nakikita niya. as in parang naglalaro ng dampa sa tubig gamit yung isa o pareho niyang front paws. ang cute tingnan, pero ang hassle linisin pagtapos. kasi at any given time, 3 water bowls yung nakalapag sa kusina namin eh. halos puno pa ng tubig lagi. parati kong sinasabihan yung mga katulong namin, pero medyo mabagal silang pumick-up at mag-adapt eh. kaya ayun, punas ako nang punas. hay.

pero at the end of it all, ok pa rin. pinili ko 'to eh. kahit di na ako nakakatulog, nakakalabas ng bahay o nakakaligo nang matiwasay ngayon dahil lagi kong iniisip kung ano naman na kayang kabalastugan yung ginagawa ni Eva habang may inaasikaso ako, steady freddie pa rin.

bekets say mo?

ang saya kaya mag-alaga ng aso. andaming blessings na later on mo lang marerealize na pinagkaloob sayo. at narealize ko na yan within just a few days shy of 3 weeks of us being together ah... ano pa kaya matututunan ko sa loob ng isang taon diba? ^_^

can't think of anything for a title, so there.

i've been doing a lot of things lately, all of them unproductive by some standard but altered me in some way or another that i don't feel regret or think of it as wasted time. as i always do. i've taken that lennon quote to heart and am living it out even if this miserable existence calls for something different or something less lofty, more practical and totally bereft of individuality.

countless friends, relatives and acquaintances have gone into the unknown territory of having a career. a real one, not like this situation i have chosen and am currently frolicking in. deadlines, taxes, monthly incomes, presentations, projects, dress codes, grooming, work politics, self image, co-workers, partners, teams, departments and a lot of other things i've been trained to deal with in school but never really had the chance of encountering in real life. and it's not like i'd gleefully grab an opportunity like that when it presents itself. i was happy to forget all those shallow trivialities and endless rewards they have in store for those who conform to their ideals in lots of different but all extremely influential and basically identically principled "learning institutions" in this epicenter of chaos called metro manila. and i'm not all too sold on the idea of going back to that state i so vehemently denounced.

"magtrabaho ka na, ang tanda mo na o.."
"ang swerte mo nga eh, petiks ka lang.."
"aysus, huwag mo na kausapin yan sa ganyan, di niya tayo naiintindihan.."
"ayusin mo nga buhay mo.."
"di ka ba nahihiya? ako di ko kaya yan.."

and so on. word after heartless, incapacitating word they try to break me. sentence after cruelly cold sentence they try to put some of what they call sense in me. is it that bad to be different from them? from what i went and still am going through with them, yes. absolutely. "extremely talented and lucky people are the exception, and you definitely are NOT one of them." is their battlecry. their motto. the words they live by. you have to prove your worth before they stop saying it or you just die trying. theirs is the world of undeniable results, of the steady stream of diploma wielders who stop living to work and when asked all at the same time will say in chorus that they work to live. they are practical, effortlessly efficient, robustly productive and superior on all fronts (once again, in their standards) if compared to weak, insignificant and senseless me.

i am one of what they would associate with the word "lost". i have no degree, no one or two or three year working experience, no smart clothes with sharp ties, no company i can put on the company box on facebook, no money and no definite or feasible future ahead of me. i live for the moment and am at the mercy of my loved ones for daily sustenance. i am our home's resident hermit, forever giving praises, gratitude, sound advice and decisions, moral and emotional support and forever must take personal attacks, disappointments, verbal cruelty, indifference, mind games and heartbreaks humbly and in stride.

yes, i might be lucky living off of others' income. yes, i am forever grateful for every blessing, every kindness and every affection thrown my way. yes, you probably have it harder with work and stress and those other pressing matters and yes, i am sheltered.

but i will never ever say that you as a person are better than me. that you know more than me. that you are smarter and just submit to whatever you think is for the good of all. NO.

you are you. i won't take that away from you. as much as you can't and won't take away me from me. you have your strengths and i have mine. i have several weaknesses and will admit it all too gladly even if you don't. and that's where WE as a single word or thought ends.

i've fallen so far down than most of you that nothing but life-threatening instances can faze me. i have given up so much that there's no more sense in breaking down. i've lived simpler and simpler with each disappointment that there's nothing else that could go wrong. nothing to lose and a mountain to gain to be rubbing elbows again with the likes of you. but you know what? somewhere along the way i realized something most of you never will. why should i start going up your mountain in your perfect world and try to be one of you again when i can stubbornly be myself and all the things you won't ever be and be happy til i die?

here, being me and nothing but. i care about what you say, but to the extent of hurting and doubting myself because i don't pass YOUR standards? hell no. yeah, talk all you want, i don't care. call me anything, i'll just smile back. i'm gonna be me and that's all there is to it. let God or Allah or Whoever He/She/It Is decide who'll pass. i can take that. easily.

CAN YOU?

HOW WE DEAL WITH THE REAL

you can't expect the crowd to understand
and empathize and lend a helping hand
no matter how you feel the closeness is
your life is yours alone to live and deal with

you laugh and party hard and feel damn good
you flee monotony and shun the rules
you feel unique and so misunderstood
but we're together in universal blues

they have the biggest cut of the pie of life
they had it all the time, held beyond your grasp
they won't give the time of day to thoughts of caving in
the power of the people is the lie they boxed us in

you find the person who you fancy most
and share your demons and your skeletons
and feel that finally the time is right
to lose yourselves in each other and be alright

but no, it won't just go away quite that easily
you have inherited a lifetime of misery
you will feel emptiness the way it should be felt
happiness and peace of mind are just dreams you best forget

a lot has been said about the latest tragedy that shocked the whole world and pushed us filipinos closer to the brink of inevitable self-destruction. some might be glad, others apathetic and majority of those who know condemn this terrible crime. i for one, won't talk about my opinions about it. they say a picture paints a thousand words so i'll leave the word-painting part to your imagination.













credit goes to the photographers who captured these very graphic images so we all shall forever be haunted by such gruesome acts and not let it happen again.

"Remember, remember the 23rd of November..."

May God have mercy on us.

SHEEPLE

happy sheep people, we wouldn't be able to see through that thick assortment of tricks
they have up the sleeves of their fancy barongs and we go headstrong feeling calm in the storm
we titter, we totter, we fall and get splattered on pavements we made to make our walks easier
we passionately curse the villain to nurse our led astray egos and hurt principles
we drink and we laugh, debate which is what and go on to spend our lives in the bath
we dirty the clean, we humble the mean, we mock the insane and brush off the pained
tragedies shrugged off as everyday news and somebody's always for someone else's use
we shake our heads sadly, give up all too gladly and wonder why gloom fills our mansions and shanties

they say it's not too late yet and we can turn this around
if we change ourselves, our redemption is found
i say fuck what they say, we're more hopeless than we sound
and i won't change an inch if i'll be the only one

i'll still see you as fools, as you do to me too
i'll still be the damn cancer, the part you can't use
the happy sheep people, them you can always go to
the ones with no questions, the ones with no clue

the happy sheep people, always asking, "how high?"
for shepherds made 'em jump once, just for laughs, not the sky

morning. i yawn wide and drowsily smile, planning to stay in all day, since i've eaten quite a feast last night. a big quantity of food is hard to get nowadays, what with that enormous monster lurking outside, always on the lookout for us. i can't begin to understand it's seemingly limitless anger towards us, when it's those gigantic, hairless entities it should be vengeful at... and busy with. not that it can do anything anyway, that poor creature. ever since those mysterious upstarts came here, it's been bad news to all: the other monsters like this one, those resilient, ugly aliens and us.

we've been living in this vast expanse of otherworldly splendor for quite some time now. all of us, without the naked giants, and quite peacefully too. fights and sometimes longtime feuds or wars do break out, that's to be expected of different walks of life, but it's quiet apathy most of the time. and that's peaceful enough for me. even when there were a lot of those enormous monsters going about before, they weren't as engrossed with getting us as this one here that came with the upstarts.

and engrossed it really is. only the heads of the families now dare to venture outside their caves where clans roamed around and passed the time lazily once, a long time ago it seems. and even the heads have a terrible time getting their family's fill, even though the mountains hold so much sustenance which, also, appeared like magic since the time the mysterious giants came. it's like we were being tempted to come out with all these food, only to be ripped apart by this hateful monster.

that's why this day, i planned to sleep it all away. father was injured in a scuffle with the monster while foraging in one of the smaller hills and i was chosen to take his place yesterday. and did i do my duty! it was i who was responsible for the feast consumed by my family, and i deserve to rest all day today.

or so i thought.

not long after that yawn and smile was i forced to sit up wide awake by a bloodcurdling scream. and i know that voice all too well. i immediately got up and scampered to the den where the whole family was, crowding around someone i hope was not him.

but my ears seldom deceive me and i was also right this time: my dear brother, who was delegated today to gather the food was missing a limb and screaming his heart out. only a horrific bump where his leg should be. i rushed over to comfort him.

"i'm sorry brother, i'm so sorry..."
"hush, nobody's blaming you"
"but the food... the aaaaggghh!"
"stop fidgeting! never mind the food!"
"what will we eat brother? how will we live today?"
"i will gather the food. just like yesterday."
"but beware brother! a cold, ruthless monster!"
"what? what is it?"
"don't grab it brother. don't ever!"
"stop talking like that! what is it really?"
"the gleaming monster... it knows us... what makes us weak..."

i stopped talking to him for he had passed out. it's better that way so they can treat him better and better too, so that i can do what i'm itching to do now.

i went barging outside the cave like a madman hopelessly drunk on suffering. and like most drunks, wanting for a fight. i first look for the big puff of fur responsible for my father's injury. i shouted and shouted but got nothing. i felt an overpowering feeling of relief when i got both my wind and my common sense back. i shook my head for even if i fought with all my hate and might, i won't even begin to match the monster's smaller offspring.

i went on instead to forage once again for food. to do what my brother was sent out to do. since the monster was not around, and i got myself to believe that luck was on my side, i went for the highest mountain loaded with the most bounty. food from this high up was the stuff of legends, of wives' gossip, and here i am going for it. the thought alone invigorated my body as i scurried up pit by pit, crag by crag, ever so surely towards the top.

i estimated that i will reach the top when the sun was highest in the sky for i had to hide a while when one of the naked giants themselves came towards the mountain. sounds of crashing and rumbling came from above, and i was elated because legend has it that it was the sound of the giants conjuring up all those heavenly food on the mountains. and this, in fact, is the highest one this particular giant is conjuring on. ambrosia if you will.

i waited until i was sure the giant won't be coming back before i resumed my ascent and as sure as the sun was highest in the sky, i finally conquered the summit. i looked in awe at the ambrosia i was going to gather for my family. i smiled as i thought of my now handicapped brother, my injured father and the rest of them feasting on all of this. i was giddy with anticipation and chuckling to myself when i noticed something. a glinting, shimmering, curious structure of sorts i can't comprehend but mesmerized with. i inched closer to touch it when i remembered what my brother told me. i backed up and gave a sigh of relief, thanking my brother for the warning. but the danger wasn't over like i thought it was. i was whistling along, gathering what i wanted much like in a buffet when my nose perked up with a smell. the one smell i love most in the world. and there it was in all its glory, waiting for me to ravage it, to consume it to the core. food always was my weakness and this among all food i put in the highest regard.

"CHEESE!!!"

SNAP!!!

i should have remembered. but i didn't...




the maid screams, flicks the dismembered mouse head and body off the table, wipes the blood off with her apron and puts the trap away.

"LUNCH~!!!!"

dahil walang ibang magawa, andito ulit ako. nagmamasid, nagbabasa, nahihiya, natutuwa at kung anu-ano pa.

it's been a long time, hasn't it? 2004. i've been going here, part reading, part lurking, waiting for something or someone. anything. for 5 long years. and i'm still here. that could be the best part, or the worst. whatever floats your boat.

i have a girlfriend now. yeah, never thought i'll have one again, but it's true. she's as real as any girl can get. she's hella smart and can outdrive my kuya anytime, so i'm really feeling blessed, haha. kidding aside though, i'm good now. no hesitations, no fickle-minding, no nagging negative vibes or some other unfortunate thing or state i'm in when i had relationships before. maybe because i'm 24 now, going on 25 in november. maybe i've grown up now, in and outside and can grasp the whole concept of it all and wallow happily in it. or maybe i'm just pretending i am, and run away again when the claws of eternal commitment reappears. i don't really know. and i'm in no rush to know. i just know i'm happy now, the kind of happiness i've never felt in past relationships, even though they're no less as smart or beautiful as the lady i'm with now. it just so happened that i feel the way i do now, and whether she has a part in it, is not a factor or is the main reason i feel this way is irrelevant to what is happening inside me.

yep.
inside me.
change.
it's finally rearing it's inevitable head into my life. poking, looming, observing and checking to see if it's alright now to venture into this individual. and it's high time it did too. i'm not growing any younger and i want to do something worthwhile with my life. but this time, unlike in my previous youthful entries, i know exactly what i want.

yes, it's still music. still playing the drums, writing songs, singing when i can and all that. but where once there was only the faraway cottage of dreams surrounded by a vast field of deadly but beautiful flowers and insects, now there is a path towards it, narrow right now, but lined with tall, bright sunflowers acting as sentinels in my life, and helping me reach that ever elusive abode where i can finally rest my weary legs, dust off my feet and warm my toes.

and something tells me the path will only grow wider with each step within it. i believe it with everything i am, but the will is weak in this poor soul. and i know it all too well. good thing the sunflowers are now here, for they don't only keep the bad things outside, they also make it so much harder for me to venture there, where i hear distant familiar echoes of past delights and instant gratifications. i might get mad at them some of the time, but they just nod and smile while i pluck all their petals out in a rage they know will soon subside. and i am thankful. not constantly, but will always be thankful, especially once inside the cottage.

the journey is still far, the end but a speck, but i'm now armed with a smile and something more than a spark of hope for the future. i somehow know deep inside that this time, i can definitely make it.

no. i will make it.

andito ulit ako, magpopost na naman ng mga kanta... at least dalawa sila ngayon, haha.

ISSHONI

there are days when i'm down, but today's not one of those days
tie my hair and wear my shades, i'll be watching the world like it's on stage
walking up and down the aisle without marriage or a wife in mind
watching wheels turn, wood burn, lovers stay in love or take flight

coz it's a good day for nothing
and we can do everything
*we'd be accomplishing nothing
while having fun with everything*
isshoni

live with laughter or with tears, live in comfort or in fear, you still die
then all the people come together, wearing black and everybody cries
so just live as you please, no regrets or should have beens in tow
but excesses are a mess, i agree when they went, "less is more"

man it's a good day for nothing
coz we can do everything
-we'd have no time to do something
but we will feel exceptionally real-
isshoni

ad lib

combine ** and --

to those who are wondering, isshoni or いっしょに is the japanese word for "together".

ok, next up is called...

SO BE IT

im fighting, with all my might
and with this, people tend to lose sight
of things we all would never think twice
of being in or living without

pain is all i feel and you should steer clear
don't involve yourself with me

i didn't invite you for tea
don't drop your lumps of sugar on me
i'm never the appreciative type
and my legend is nothing but hype

love can never melt the loneliness i felt
so waste your time or draw the line
pick one

ad lib

i'm dying, without a fight
regrets pervade my nights
consuming me alive
and everything is deprived

love you scorn is love you never ever get back
all is done, life goes on, so be it

ayan, two songs written with very different moods for all y'all to see. tsaka na yung hear, hehehe.

Francis Magalona
October 4, 1964 - March 6, 2009

sadly, i have to update my "deaths of famous filipinos" list today, not just because sir kiko was really famous, but more because i want to offer something as a tribute to him. the greatest local rapper the filipinos have ever known, sir kiko penned certified hits such as "Mga Kababayan Ko!", "Meron Akong Ano?" and "Kaleidoscope World", which all have infectious beats, melodies and impressive lyrics which every filipino can relate to. and man, was he all about the Philippines. all his endeavors were driven by that passionate love of his for everything Filipino. he made songs, did concerts, directed music videos, went on television, acted on the big screen and even went into shirt and accessory making with a singular goal always present in his big heart which he wore proudly upon his sleeve: to Filipinize everything.

such was the man's enduring love for his country that anybody within his reach couldn't help but be overcome by it's sheer tenacity and ultimately agree. so to anybody asking why Filipinos nowadays love to dress up in clothes and accessories depicting our flag's symbols and colors, heroes and such, this i can say...

"Because once there was a man who told us of the beauty of the three stars and a sun."

ahh...

ahwer peyborit word. alak.

nasawi na naman ako dahil sa kanya. dalawang araw na magkasunod. pinagsamantalahan ko na naman sarili kong katawan. araykupo.

tapos ngayong linggo na, panibagong adventure at pananamantala na naman ang nakaabang para sakin. bakit? kasi piyesta sa asturias ngayon. paano ako makakaabsent dun eh nakita nyo naman ang laking utang na loob ko dun sa mga taong nasa lugar an iyon diba? kung 'di mo maget ibig kong sabihin, balikan mo lang sa mga luma kong posts kung gaano kalaking parte ng buhay ko yang kalyeng yan.

kaya walang atrasan. go lang nang go. hanggang ma-sago...

ayan. heto na naman ako aking mga kaibigan, nagaalay na naman ng kapiraso ng oras ko para magsulat dito, o mag-type kung ganon ka kapilosopo. ngayon nga pala ay huwebes o thursday, para sa mga hindi nakakaintindi ng tagalog. yun na lamang ang huling salitang maiintindihan nila dahil nais kong ipahiwatig ang aking mga saloobin para sa sulating ito sa pinakamalalim at pinakabusilak na tagalog na alam ko. bakit kamo? hindi ko rin alam. ang alam ko lang, yun ang gusto kong gawin at yun ang gagawin ko.

bakit ganyan nga pala ang pamagat ng aking sulatin ngayon, maaaring nagtataka ang iba hindi po ba? ito ay sa kadahilanang sa tuwing araw po na yan at wala nang iba sa buong linggo kami may lingguhang tugtugan sa isang lugar sa j. jimenez, kamuning na nagngangalang bri-iw. si ginoong alvin po ang nagmamayari ng nasabing lugar at napakabait po niya sa amin. dahil po doon ay nais kong ipahiwatig ang aking taos pusong pagpapasalamat at tinatangkilik pa rin po ninyo kami kahit minsan ay wala kaming nadadala ni isa na magpapasulit sana ng bayad ninyo sa kuryente para sa gabing iyon. maaaring karamay kung maturingan ang nasabing ginoo.

at malamang ay sa bahaging ito ng aking sulatin ay mayroong nang mga taong pinagiisipan kung paano na nga ba ang kasalukuyang kalagayan ng aking buhay sining, hindi po ba? maraming salamat po sa inyo sa pagaalala ninyo sa ganoong mga detalye ng buhay ko kahit wala naman talaga kayong makakamit sa paggawa nito. kayo po ay tunay na mga kaibigan at mahal ko kayo. para sagutin ang katanungan na iyon, maganda naman ang buhay musika ko kahit nanganganib na ito sa papalapit na sakuna *basahin ang mga sulatin ko dito na ginawa noong huling taon upang maintindihan* at ako ay kasalukuyang kasapi sa dalawang banda na PiSENLAV at NESTA kung tawagin. maaayos at masarap kasama ang lahat ng mga kasapi ng aking dalawang bandang nabanggit at tulad ng mga nauna kong mga naging banda, kakikitaan din sila ng lakas, tibay at kabusilakan ng hangaring gumawa ng magagandang awitin at tumugtog nang mahinusay. wala akong maisip na hindi kaaya-ayang paguugali ng mga kasamahan ko at maaari ay ako pa ang nananamantala ng kanilang kabutihang loob nang hindi ko napapansin. kung ganoon nga ay patawarin sana nila ako.

para sa ikalilinaw ng lahat, itatala ko ang mga kasapi ng bawat banda at ang kanilang ginaganapan sa banda:

PiSENLAV:
Fernando Se - baho
Kate Lozano - mangaawit
Jethro Estacio - gitara
Jinx Golifardo - gitara

NESTA:
Gerald Buenaventura - gitara't mangaawit
Wilson de Guzman - gitara
Job Agayatin - baho

minabuti kong hindi na ibanggit ang sarili ko dahil kung binabasa mo ito, malamang ay magkakilala tayo at hindi ko na kailangan pang ulit-ulitin sa iyo ang aking ginagawa.

mamaya lamang po ay darating na dito sa aming tahanan ang mga kasapi ng PiSENLAV at sabay sabay na kaming magtutungo sa bri-iw. kung ngayong araw mo rin ito mabasa at nais ninyong dumalo, hindi na po kailangang maghanda ng malaking halaga. wala pong bayad ang pagpasok sa naturang lugar at isang daan at limampung piso lang po ang isang bucket na naglalaman ng limang boteng serbesa. dahil karamay kung maituturing ang mabait na si ginoong alvin. ^_^

dahil dito ko nilalagay ang mga kanta ko for posterity's sake tsaka para kung mawala man ang aking mga trusted notebooks, im gonna update my songlist with some of my newer creations, starting today. this one is called...

SQUARE ONE

wind blows, heart grows
ever lonely
as the time keeps passing by

i yearn to learn
all the secrets
you are keeping in your heart

refrain:
please don't cast me away
hey, i don't have anywhere left
to stay in

ears hurt from insults
you hurl at me
all at once without even breathing

shattered, battered
and utterly defeated
i retrace my steps back to square one

(repeat refrain)
...oh, please don't turn me away
and leave me all on my own
coz i just can't go on

yep, that's it. i'll be posting more in the coming days, i've been wanting to rekindle this 'lil hobby of mine for a while now, and also update this beloved space on the net with my name on it, so yeah...

whatever happened to the local music industry? filipinos used to be so good at making world class stuff. where did we fuck up along the way? being a musician, here's some of the things i noticed lately...

songwriting is at an all time low

now now, im not dissin man, it just is the sad reality. what lyric or combination of words in a song nowadays had your mouth gaping open or had you shaking your head saying, "taena, husay..."? eh? songwriting nowadays, compared to how we did before, is clearly lacking. a song could contain 3 or even lesser chords and still be beautiful, like how the people did it back in the day. how? with the lyrics. you weave your inspiring web of words and bam! a classic that'll go on even after you die. good thing there's still some people in the mainstream thinking likewise. *sugarfree and gloc9, cheers!*

they can't think of better melodies

yep. i can't really blame it on the present music industry entirely just because i know for a fact that tons of songs have already been written with their own melodies beforehand, and it's really hard to come up with something so unique nowadays, but please, for the love of what's sacred to you, don't make do with something that you yourself know sounds a lot like something else! that's musician's sacrilege! *toni gonzaga, hope you get to read this*

pera pera lang men...

this is one of the beliefs i stand firmly against. maybe im just not that poor or something, but i, for one, seldom compromise my artistry. musicians are artists and to compromise your artistry which is like the very essence of your existence is so... low. (forgive me for the lack of a better term) yeah, i do covers and such, but man, if i can't stand playing something, i don't play it, period. i also wanna survive being only a musician but im not in it just for financial gains. it's like selling your soul or something,(hence the term sellout) and i personally won't do it and i hope every musician would be like that coz it would make the industry a whole lot better, methinks. *all in the pogi rock category, stand up... GUILTY AS CHARGED!!!*

deteriorating standards set by the consumers themselves

this is a big factor in the decline of the local music scene. while back in the day, great minds with great bands like banyuhay, apo and those bands that thrived in the 90's scene had a fighting chance, it aint that simple anymore. kelangan mo na idaan sa kapit o brasuhan ang demo mo para pakinggan man lang. it's not really about music nowadays. it's more of a hype or buzz or whatever those people who control the trends wanna call it. and what made it worse is the people stopped caring. they got tired of being "discriminating" with their music and just sat back and enjoyed the spoonfeeding. HUSAY. sabay magrereklamo kasi ampapanget na ng mga tugtog ngayon. HUSAY ULIT, walang katulad, hahaha. kawawa na lang talaga yung mga magagaling na nasa gitna ng kawalan sa probinsya. sa youtube na lang pag-asa nila. kaya kami, may youtube... type nyo "pisenlav" o "lolo nesta". ahihihi.

OMB

optical media board or as i would like to call it, one big muther****er. what is it really and what do they do? its an entity our very greedy and very corrupt government made just so they could "control" (aka take proceeds from) independent artists when they release stuff. if you don't have or are not part of an independent label, which needs legal documents and stuff that require registrations, fees and taxes, and you sell cds containing stuff you did yourself and burned on your own pc, they have the right to arrest you. yep, that good. and who heads this powerful optical media boardie? edu manzano. *UBO UBO UBO*

massive henyo hibernation

all of them just stopped doing newer stuff. or stuff with more integrity. who are they? rey valera, ryan cayabyab, ely buendia, mike hanopol and a lot more i can't think of at the moment. man. it used to be so much fun listening to opm. now? lito camo, rico blanco and a slew of others who got talent for sure but ran out of passion call the shots. and everybody is joining the bandwagon. sad. please, bring it back... *sobs*

...and that's just some of it. maybe i'll post some more when i have more spare time... maybe after the holidays. have a good one, i know i won't! *wanders away singing boom tarat*

remember the ever lovable and groovily colored choudenshi bioman? well, i was just taking a stroll down memory lane and reminiscing 'bout the good old days of slightly better but vastly unoriginal philippine tv programming with the help of my trusty dvd player and some cds of the said old kids' show, thanks to one particular friend, when i noticed a lot of different things which all just sailed right by me when i watched the show as a kid. im talking about the deeper tone the show sets in some quick but quicker to notice parts, especially with how the actors establish the characters they play. some of you, especially the show's fans, might not share my opinion but please, let me practice my right to free speech since after all, lke what the title said, these are all just my honest, personal observations, stated in my honest, personal blog. ^_^

Red One aka "Kenny" - a NASA guy, as he proudly shows off EVERYDAY with that shiny jacket, who loves to skydive. as a bioman, he is what i would like to call the stereotypical leader. he acts as a moral compass of the whole bioteam and does a good job at it, except if they encounter "civilians" who just wanna help, for pete's sake. what does he do when shit like that happens? he goes into insensitive snob mode, with the rest of the team, and alienates the poor soul with a noble intention, such as the case with June, who apparently wasn't an ordinary girl when she became the yellow four replacement. good thing she was overwhelmingly persistent and clueless of body language the bioteam was hurling at her.

next thing i noticed with red one is his "alpha male champion aura". i chose those words to go together coz that's just how ridiculously funny everybody gets with him around. its like they move like they're fulfilled or extremely happy or something if:

a. red one agrees to their suggestion
b. red one helps 'em get up, dusts off their suit and asks, "are you ok?"
c. red one offers moral support
d. red one thanks them

man... i dunno how they think, but red one sure is one lucky guy, unlike the loser who is...

Green Two aka "Sammy" - the brooding second in command. he loves fast cars and girls who are hella shorter than him and has this closet inferiority complex when compared to red one. but who can blame the guy? kenny is good looking, has better teeth, an immaculate 'do and is red one. sammy got all the reasons to head on over to wherever pole the neo empire is at, get fitted with robotic upgrades and kick the red out of wonderboy. but he's not like that. instead, he stays with kenny and friends, pretends to help by using his x-ray vision but sabotages the bioteam whenever he gets the chance. right from the start with the wrench damaging the bio-robot thingie, i knew he was up to no good. and when anybody in the team starts to put their bio-brain to good use and sniff the traitor out, what does sammy do? he throws away his warrior pride and puts on this brooding emotional wreck of a mask for the rest of em to see. a real shame. but he always gets away with it. kenny and the gang, being the predictable bunch that they are, always were, being and will always be fooled by this "nakama" of theirs, whatever happens. at least they got x-ray vision, right?

Blue Three aka "Franky" - the cheerful, shortest, most naive and probably youngest of the guys, he's a watersports enthusiast and that's all i know about the human side. as a bioman, he's the more dependable although seldom appreciated "odd one out" member among the guys. he sticks out like a sore thumb, not because he's wearing shiny blue but because of his being vertically challenged. maybe that's why he also looks up to both red one and green two, figuratively and literally. but being on the same moral integrity as red one, he doesnt act as gloomy as green two. he just smiles and laughs and usually does the slapstick part at the end of the episode, like all good, uncool guys do, haha.

Yellow Four aka "KC" and "June" - KC, the first yellow four, was the rebellious-turned-heroic member in the team. she was a photojournalist specializing in taking photos of african wildlife when she, along with the rest of the gang, got recruited by that golden kamen rider wannabe called peebo. at first, she didnt want anything to do with the bio-retards, but with kenny's NASA guy intelligence, he somehow connected africa and its wildlife to the neo empire's attack on japan and got KC furiously defensive for the animals and into the crew. as a bioman, she does this move where she goes like she's in a photoshoot taking care of the baddies, shot after shot, which is a lot better IMO than holding a "bio-camera" against her helmet, pretending to shoot "bio-flashes"...>_<

i dunno if the actress got into a scandal or got pregnant or was changing companies, but i knew they had a damn good reason to kill yellow four. seeing one of your heroes (or heroine in this case) die as a child had a lasting mix of good and bad effects on me. it's gotta be something sentai producers occasionally do, but man, was it a big deal to kids all over the philippines who were watching at that time. but enough about that, let's move on to...

June, the 2nd yellow four, was already introduced and added to the bioteam the very next episode after KC was killed. so you could just imagine the kids who didnt want to accept simple facts in a TV show, who were still grieving a loss suddenly be forced to accept THIS NEW yellow four, just coz the entire bioteam had accepted her anyway... and understand why the bow-toting yellow four was the least-loved one of the whole bioteam. well that was the case for me anyway.

as i was supposed to say before the sudden onslaught of emotions, June was an excellent archer who was part of the japanese national team competing in various prestigious events like the olympics when she unknowingly thrust herself in the midst of bio-neo action. but that's ok, she's always walking around with her bow and lotsa arrows, so she'll always be ready anywhere and anytime. ^_^

being true to her roots, June still showed a lot of traits KC had during her time. she always came to Kimberly's rescue when the guys can't and she also exhibited a headstrong nature, like how KC used to. all in all, now that i watched it all over again, i can say she's a good enough replacement to the old yellow four. she did justice to the role and she threw in some goodies of her own: panty shots just like Annie! WAO~!

and last but certainly not the least...

Pink Five aka "Kimberly" - the more feminine of the two gals and every lil fan's childhood fantasy. yep, that's kimberly, the flute-playing, circus-going beauty who was literally picked from a roof by the biorobot and converted into fighting babe, pink five. she's half the reason why kids watch bioman in the first place. the first is to "learn how to do it" from red one. ^_^

like how her looks suggest, she is the girl every guy wants to fall in love with. she's kind hearted, good-looking, soft-spoken, humble, submissive and everything else you could want for in a wife... dressed in knee-long skirts, old lady shorts with suspenders, grandma sweaters and the like. maybe its something they did to make KC and June appear "at par" with Kimberly in the eye candy department, but it just won't work now, with their 1984 techniques and style and my 2007 perspective, haha.

but yeah, anyway, as a bioman, she doesn't change much really... she just goes into this smexy pink suit that matches the rest of the gang, gets a lil bit stronger.... and that's it. hahaha. not much else to know behind that pretty face, i guess. but i think that's exactly her strength as a team member. she's the so called "muse" of the team, always being pretty and cute and helpless that the other members including yellow four are inspired to be stronger, to press on harder, to keep on moving forward... and that's one hell of a trait to have... worthy of being in the bioteam, IMHO. ^_^

good day and have fun reminiscing. peace and love.

all hailing from osaka, 6 talented young girls decided to take ska into their own hands. ore ska band (wordplay on "ore wa" which means "i am") consists of ikasu on guitar and vocals, tae-san on drums, leader (yep that's really her name) on trombone, saki on trumpet, tomi on bass and also doing some vocal duties and moriko on tenor sax.

they barged into the music scene relatively young, all born on 1988 or '89. but man, are they good. i feel so inferior whenever i listen or watch their PVs or live gigs coz they're just that great. they sound like they've been playing their respective instruments all their lives and that, along with ikasu's skills as songwriter and singer, makes them a band to always watch out for.

personal favorites of mine are "knife to fork (knife and fork)", "almond", "pinocchio" and the famous "hana no ska dance" that was used for a POCKY commercial. it's been a long time since ska has been this applauded and i have to say that they really deserve all the attention. they play hard, they have a good time and they pull you right smack in the center of it. for youngsters, that's a bit hard to do, but they do it so naturally and effortlessly making it all the more infectious.

right now, they're signed to this american label and touring all over the US and making appearances in noteworthy gigs like the warped tour. but like most things that are initially japanese and suddenly exploited by american bigwigs, i think things are slowly going downhill. i for one, am not amused by the american flavor injected into oreskaband's winning formula. i think too many useless american heads are once again doing the thinking and feel that they have to add their own selfish idea into the mix, just so they could say they were one of the people behind the oreska phenomenon.

but enough about grim forewarnings and omens. the band is (i hope so, for their sake...) enjoying everything as of the moment and bridges should be crossed, or burned, when it's time for it.

so yeah... no worries right now. i just hope they're as smart as i want them to be and pull through if and when the big ugly sets in. cheers to oreskaband, another of osaka's and japan's pride. =_^

im back and ready to blog my worries away. a year has passed since i went away and i still got nothing to prove my worth with to these goddamn standards our "respectable" society has imposed upon me and all the others who share the state im in. maliban dun, ok naman ako, hahaha.

so what happened to me all this time, you ask? well, aside from playing music which is the very core of my being and the main reason why i still exist, i've been "busy" with j-pop. yeah, j-pop as in japanese pop, you sarcastic bitch, and yeah i know where you wanna go with that raised eyebrow of yours. to hell with your bashing, immune na ako diyan, i've been hearing it for almost a year now, coming from anybody and everybody. you wanna hate, do it somewhere else.

now, to those of you who are still interested, let me school you on some fast facts:

-j-pop is not strictly bubblegum pop, sugar-coated, nonsensical songs sung by pretty girls who really can't sing or dance that well. some of them are, but i won't be talking about those in this post.

-dont start with that, "paano ka natuwa diyan eh di nga naiintindihan?" crap that most people have been buggin me with, dear. im a musician. i go beyond the realm of words most people can't get past with. i love the melody, hook, basslines, drum patterns, harmonies, guitar riffs, song arrangement, sound engineering and a lot of other things musically-challenged minds can't grasp. plus im self-studying nihonggo at the moment and let's just say they seldom use deep words in j-pop. ^_^

-lastly, the group im in love with is backed by a really great and prolific songwriter/producer which makes all the difference and sets 'em apart from all the other j-pop girl groups anyone can think of. yep, im talking about Morning Musume and the man Tsunku.

Morning Musume (musume means daughter or girl) is currently the all time best selling girl group in the land of the rising sun (which explains the "morning" part in the group's name). and that already is an achievement in itself, given the cut-throat competition of pop groups coupled with the fast media consumption and attention span of consumers in japan. BUT, that's not all. momusu as of today also enjoys fame in several parts of asia and all over the world, thanks to the internet, youtube, the western fetish for anything asian and the asian fetish for anything japanese, haha.

the group, like all the others before it, had their humble beginnings, which you can clearly see if you watch all of their promotional videos (PVs) since 1997 til today. there you go with that eyebrow again, but yeah, let me explain first. ten years is a long time for a girl group to exist and nobody wants to watch fully grown women doing girl group stuff, right? it just won't work, i know. but here's where it gets a lot more fun. since 1997, morning musume had seen 8 generations of members already and several graduations along the way. yep, that's the momusu secret. they never get old. momusu was and always will be a group of young girls singing and dancing their way into the hearts of their fans.

their songs are a cornucopia of genres mixed and mashed and edited to perfection by none other than the great producer Tsunku himself. he almost always does everything he can possibly do in a single for the girls. he writes, composes, arranges, supervises the girls' recordings and i think sometimes even does backing vocals if he feels like it in a song. and man, does he churn out song after song. check his wiki profile if you wanna know more, this post is more about the girls. it's just so amazing and inspiring (specially for a musician like me) what one man did just coz he had the guts, talent and passion for it. listen to them songs. such a genius.

and it's not just the songs i fell in love with. unlike here in the philippines where the nearest thing that we got to morning musume are the sexbomb girls, the girls in momusu are regarded as "japan's idols" and are far from cheap. they reek with class, prestige and all that shit we filipinos usually associate with the typical elististang kolehiyala. yep. they're that good looking. throw in a lot (and i mean A LOT) of vocal, dance and personality workshops before finally being drafted in the group labelled as shin (meaning "new") member, and you got a morning musume fledgling right there. all that work but you still have to prove your worth. that's quality for ya. each one of them is unique, has her own thing going for her and is given the chance to do so. they've been in commercials, dramas, movies, radio shows, you name it, they've probably done it. so i fell in love like i was supposed to do so and wonder of wonders, bem, who never felt the need to memorize numbers or names or birthdates of even some of his closest friends, suddenly knew all the girls by name, their birthdays, height, hometowns and a lot of other things only stalkers should know, hahaha. such was, and still is, my fondness and burning interest for these girls.

and like an sign of things to come, 2 members of the 3 member 8th generation are, get this: CHINESE. yup, that's right. chinese girls in a once "all japanese girl group". and i think it ain't gonna stop there. japan is once again, gonna try to conquer the whole of asia... and maybe even the world. but this time, i think i'll just let them. ^_^

LONELINESS.

it finally caught up with me. living in a frenzied world's not my reality. things to do, words to say, thoughts to think are just excuses so i can escape the yearnings of the heart. but things won't always go on, sometimes we are left alone to ponder on things left untouched, to get to know our own. this gap i made is worsening but still can be redeemed. but how the future seems for me is hazy and unclear. and if this feeling lingers on, which i fear is the case, it will consume my very soul, i feel it in my bones. i hope i get to know the one who will be truth at last. i hope she's all i fought for, all i stood for and more than that. i hope we'll know each other just before the last line snaps so i too can be that to her and be there till the last.

...gumawa ng mga kanta, noh? anak ng putang personal pressure yan... isama mo pa yung usapan namin ng tatay ko... pakshets pare. tapos, magrerecord na sana kami bukas. kaso nasira na naman yung plano (kaya nga "sana" eh) kasi mag-eenroll tong utol ko tapos may trabaho naman 'tong dalawa. haaaaay... tuloy na tuloy na ako eh, hawak ko na nga kanina drumsticks ko eh, umii-sticking na ako, matutulog na sana ako na yakap yung mga yun para "groovy" sana ang dreams ko para inspired ako pumalo bukas... kaso... haaaay.

andami ko pa namang mga naisulat at areglado nang mga songs. magaganda men. kinikilig nga ako eh, yung tipong kilig ihi, pag naririnig kong tinutugtog tsaka kinakanta ng mga kasambahay ko. ibig sabihin nagagandahan sila... o na-LSS na lang, kasi maya-maya lang, kinakanta ko na naman eh... haha. pero shet talaga, di biro 'tong problemang 'to. andaming kailangang mangyari sa loob ng labing-isang buwan. dapat paspasan na 'to. ayoko nang mag-aral, buwaka ng inang sistema yan eh, sinusuka talaga ng buong pagkatao ko. gusto ko nang mabuhay sa pagtugtog... "money for nothing and chicks for free", ika nga ng dire straits... haaaaay.

o siya, yun na lang muna. taena.